I Want to Stop Living

Posted Tuesday April 22, 2008

10/15/07
Dear FEBC-Japan
I want to give up living.

I recently started listening to your Internet broadcasts. I’m 49, married, and have one son. Ten years ago my depression became so bad I had to quit my job.

I tried to find a new job, but my depression made it too difficult. We've used up our savings and even borrowed money. I keep trying to get a job but it's difficult because the employer always asks why I left my previous job.

My parents won't help us because they don’t understand depression and think I'm lazy. None of our relatives will help us, and it's hard to get public assistance. There’s no hope. I don’t know what to do.

I listen to your programs but don't understand them. I need bread, not prayer. Oh God, please don’t be mad at me, but it’s hard for me to believe in Your existence.

I'm so tired of living with depression. Last month I attempted suicide 4 times, but couldn't relieve myself from this situation. Is it true there's a God? If so, why does He burden me with such hardships? I don’t understand.

- Mr. Tanaka *

10/18/07
Dear Mr. Tanaka
Thank you so much for sending us your mail. I'm so sorry for your hardship and pain. Your illness seems to have changed everything. It must have been tough for you to leave job. As a Japanese man, working is very connected with who you are.

You're totally exhausted, aren’t you? I think you have a right to cry out to God, “Why me?”

In the Bible, Psalms is filled with prayers that express every human emotion: anger, happiness, sorrow, hatred, love. Psalms shows that God fully accepts our prayers. You don't have to use religious words. Just say, "My Lord, my God!"

If you can’t believe in God right now, He'll still seek and comfort you. Jesus says, "It's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." It’s a doctor you need, and the Bible clearly points out who He is.

I pray you live today and listen to our programs. I pray from my heart that God comforts you. There's one thing I'd like to ask. Please don't kill yourself. Please live today. And write to me again. I look forward to another letter from you.

- Takanori

11/14/2007
Dear Takanori
Oh, how much I appreciate your radio broadcast and your recent letter. I’ve read it many times. My heart melts because I think, "Here is someone with compassion!" I was so encouraged I've gained the vitality to live.

I decided to pray the Lord's Prayer every day and try to believe in God. Every day I pour out my heart in prayer.

Recently several unexplainable things have happened. My depression is not as bad, and my weary heart doesn’t feel as burdened. I may even get a new job! I think God has opened a path for me. It's amazing! It seems like I can hear God say, “Live!” Although I'm still not a believer, I sense that an unseen power is at work.

I'm going to study Christianity and the Bible. I really appreciate God for making such a drastic change in my life... and you, for guiding me toward the right path.

11/19/07
Dear Mr. Tanaka
Thank you for your recent letter. You said: I’m trying to believe in God now. What a big step! You’ve turned your attention from yourself to your Creator.

God has been calling you and saying, "I’m here! Talk to me!" I think you’re ready to listen to His voice. You also said: Although I'm still not a believer, but I think your attitude shows faith.

I'm grateful that God is supporting you with His everlasting arms. May our Lord bless and guide you. I look forward to your next letter.

11/21/07
Dear Takanori
Yesterday, I was offered a job! God never deserted me; on the contrary, He has blessed me so much.

And last Sunday I went to church to give thanks to God. I was worried about going, but everybody welcomed me. On the way home, I bought a Bible. The moment I held it in my hands, I was filled with unexplainable joy.

I'm a simple man, but I'm grateful to God for giving me an opportunity to believe in Him. I also appreciate the FEBC staff who guided me towards God and faith. Thank you so much!

* Not his real name

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Meet Takanori, an FEBC listener who is now a member of FEBC Japan!